I shouldnt say youth

I never asked any one to fall in love,
or out of it either...
Im affraid to, and thats

the only thing I still fear,

since my youth.

yes, my youth,

you know, those insecure days,

the days of having goals with no plans,

and plans with no goals.

the days of wanting things until you had them,

and then not knowing what to do with them.

the days of looking for answers

to retorical questions,

and questioning them too...

the days where sll I had to do was be,

and instead I chose to prepare,

to get ready, to brace myself,

for what was coming, until it came,

and then... still, I couldnt just be.

yes, my youth was fun,

i though certain things happened more than once,

so I never enjoyed them, and made them so.

I couldnt take a turn, or go straight for sure.

Everything a certain way,

which wasnt quite mine,

or anyone elses.

I glided... forget jumping, running, walking, crawling...

But Im older now, and alls I learned is that,

I dont know enough. And that I never will. But I must keep learning.

I learned to live inside of me only,
and treat the outside as that, the outside.
I learned that I HAVE to make decisions,

although executing is still a challenge.

I learned to want what I have.

I learned not to plan, but to have goals.

I learned not to hold on. Grudgelessness aswell.

I learned not to question, but to understand.

and now, I AM.

I learned,

MASCULINITY vs. FEMININITY,

and when to take which role, balanced.

So this isnt a letter, but a mere reflection,

and as this blog comes to a finish
we (you {the reader} & I {the writer}) will all move on to the next,
and another one will be written and read

And so I am! And all I can hope is that you ARE too.

The thoughts that have long sailed,
once longed to sail,

now that sailed, are longed.

I only wish to make this blog longer,
so no one would actually read it. :-)